J-emine's reflexionando

This CNY a particular word has been popping up in my mind: distance.

According to the Cambridge dictionary – the amount of space between two places. I like to add – the amount of space between the intangible and tangible. Between two or (more) people. Between hearts and souls. This CNY few variations of ‘distance’ has popped up with warming, positive and gentle sentiments.

I can’t deny the fact that I love all festivities despite all the anxieties it brings from the coordination, get-togethers (both obligatory and non), traditions etc. CNY has always been a bundle of varying emotions for me, and reunion dinners has held very different notions in the last few years. With family here in Singapore, I’ve always love to hear stories of friends going back to to their home-country or wherever family is to celebrate CNY. I never had that experience per se of living away from home and the anticipation of returning home for a CNY reunion, unless those years when I was away for university or work trips.

With the move away from home last year, I’m experiencing some sort of ‘return to (parents’) home for CNY this year – as I wind down work the other day, packed the bags and ready myself to head back to spend CNY with my folks. It was empowering, as I ponder on the last few months, the transition out of a home and embrace that I have been warmly cocooned for 40 years and equally heartening, as I head back into their warm embrace and pampering. The ‘distance’ has been long-coming and welcoming for all – there’s a stronger threshold of acceptance, patience and innate reminder to enjoy each other’s company. I am happy to be ‘home’ for CNY.

The next ‘distance’ brings about a bittersweet feeling as I relish the adrift of someone very dear to me. Life indeed has its own story for us, and we can only cherish and grow in our awareness and faith to accept what come may, and equally the consequences of our actions and choices. Thank you, my dear E – for being with us on CNY 2021. On CNY 2022, I toast to our distance, growth and knowing we are both healthy and happy. Cheering you from the sidelines of life, always.

Last but not least, the experience of physical and longing ‘distance’ with H being back in UK. The missing has been aplenty and hard to justify with words, but our daily video calls, has been a strong grounding for me. I would have love for him to be here, for us to create our own little CNY rituals but we always have next year and beyond. I await in anticipation for our mini-reunion.

Concluding with my own ingenious belief- reunion dinner itself is a strong dissolver of distance – as family, loved ones gather together, letting bygones be bygones, releasing stress and strain of the year past, whilst merry-making and indulging in all those coveted CNY delicacies. Where-ever you may be, and the distance – near or far – I wish you a roaring year of the Tiger filled with abundance, acceptance, growth and good heath.